Warning: Introspective post with no pictures!!!
Looking back after four months, it has been difficult but not how I thought. Cory got a 3 1/2 month job in a week or so and I really do ok with working full time generally speaking. However, even with two incomes, money is still an issue (go figure, it is THAT expensive to live out here) and we had no clue how difficult the childcare situation would be. We've been so blessed to have good friends that have helped us with childcare and have no doubt that Harrison spends each day in a loving home where he is nurtured and safe and has been able to grow a lot in terms of social skills, his verbal development, and adaptability to different circumstances. However, we also spend a large part of our week in traffic going from job to babysitter and home again...NOT FUN (not to mention the 11 hours cory and harrison spent getting home from work during the snowstorm this week....not the best day ever). In order to try to limit the commuting hours as much as possible Harrison is in three different places during the course of each week, his schedule changes frequently, and he just doesn't have the consistency that I think is so important for someone at his age (and of course this racks me with guilt...grrr...). We also don't get to spend much time together as a family. Often I only see Harrison for an hour before bedtime, if that, and I think that gives me a skewed view of what it is to be a "working" mother. Yes it is difficult to give up the care of your child to someone else for awhile, but it shouldn't have to involve such a sacrifice.....I don't think? I wish I could get insight into how people make it work with two working parents...I know it happens (it happened to me and I turned out fine) but I just haven't been able to find many people in the same situation. A big part of me wishes I could be at home but for now it's the right thing for me to be working. If anyone else deals with this stuff--I'd love advice!
The kicker is that Cory and I run ourselves ragged to try to hold it all together. We have had many conversations about whether moving out here was the wrong decision....was it hasty? did we not fully consider what would happen? but we continually come back to the same answer that it wasn't, we just didn't anticipate this much difficulty. However, struggle incites growth. and I think we've grown in a lot of ways already. Apparently I need to be forced sometimes :)
So, anyway, we've decided that it's time for another change. Cory's job is up on Tuesday and after that he will be staying home with Harrison. The plan is for Cory to be the SAHD until H's nap and then I'll take over after naptime, giving Cory time to work on freelance web design that will hopefully provide enough extra income for it to work out financially. Of course I'm also actively looking for closer childcare options in case he finds a great full time job (in VIRGINIA, not MARYLAND)....but they seem few and far between unless you got on the wait list pre-infancy or have millions of dollars, but fingers crossed.
That's where the shameless plug comes in--if anyone needs or know of someone who needs a web design/development work--PLEASE CONTACT CORY--he loves what he does and is pretty good at it despite constant criticism from his lawyer wife :). His website/online portfolio is www.1stdraftdesign.com and you obviously do NOT need to be in the DC area.
THANKS BUNCHES IF YOU SURVIVED THIS LONG POST! I just wanted to share what was up with us.
10 comments:
It's good to read your update. Sorry about the strain and difficulties. When I saw your fb post about the hours in the car I felt horrible for you all! What a great thing you guys are doing with trying to make it work with Cory staying home. Good luck with all of that! You know I'm an advocate for staying home, but if anyone can work and be an awesome mom at the same time I know it's YOU! We're all different, and even though I couldn't do it I'm sure you'll eventually find that balance that works great for you guys! BTW, I'm going to go check out his website and his work now, in case I need to give a referral... =)
I will definitely be checking back on this post, Amber! Because I myself will not be a SAHM either! I am dreading the day I have to take my precious little girl to spend the day with someone else but, you've got to do what you've got to do, right?!
I love hearing about your lives and struggles. I think we often just post the easy, nice or funny stuff that happens to us on our blogs, and because I'm not great at keeping in touch, I don't know what your day to day life is like. Thanks for posting, Amber!
You guys are making hard decisions right now, and I am proud of you! Go, Amber and Cory! I don't have any advice or suggestions, but I agree with Angela, you are the person who can be a great mom and work. You are doing it! Harrison is precious and smart and kind and will turn out great!
I guess the one thin I can say is that make the time count when you are together. Richard is only home with the kids for about an hour in the morning. We try to make this really great time for him to be engaged with the kids.
We love you guys and I wish that I lived in D.C. so that I could watch Harrison, I think that he and Nora and Calvin would get along great!
XOXOXOXO
Thanks guys!! it's wonderful to know we have so many great friends (who are/will be great parents) and are so supported!!! Ang--congrats on the boy! Katie, congrats on the girl !! And Betsey--it is our dream of dreams to come visit you guys in Hong Kong! I'm sure Harrison and nora and calvin would have great fun together!!!
I AM SOOO HAPPY that Cory is almost done with this job and you can try a new routine. It sounds like such a good plan and I am so happy for this hard hard stage to be done. I am a little sad to say good bye to Harrison. Funny. I was worn out, but you know when things come to an end you always wish you did more, etc etc. Anyway, we love that little guy and we love you!!!
THANK YOU HEIDI! We love you too!! I know Harrison will not miss sitting in the car for hours on end but he will miss you guys A LOT. I don't know how to explain to him that he won't be coming over as much anymore :( I guess we just have to make sure to get together a lot in the next 6 months or whatev--YAY!!!
AMBER!! May the comiseration begin:I just want to say that when Colby and I worked/went to school and had Hunter it was dang hard!!Cory and Ryan watched Hunter in the library at times for pete sakes. I worked full time with Benson also and the guilt was tremendous. I did constantly go over in my mind what was right for our family. That full time job was less stressful than what I see Colby going through as a new attorney also. That in itself has been an adventure for us I can just imagine what its like for you. We are also constantly debating and praying for guidance on how to raise our family and pay the ridiculous cost of living expenses.
We have the Az talk about every three weeks.I know this does not help you at all but I am only saying it to let you know your not alone. I think Cory is going to be fabulous at home for a while. I just saw some posts on FB asking if I know a good web designer. Does he have an e business card for me to pass around if I hear of the need? Please email it to me. I know he is so freaking talented so I would love to refer them. You guys are doing a great job and you were sent Harrison for a reason.
I think that it is a tremendous blessing to stay home but I haven't been able to for all stages of everyone's life. I know your family will be blessed for all the efforts you make to try and do what you feel is right.
Thank you Rachel!! I really appreciate your insight! I don't see this as something I will do forever or with all of my kids and I think working full time has shown me that NOT working is definitely what I actually want (when I didn't grow up feeling that way) but right now it just won't work for us because I went to law school and those loans need to be paid (until obama decides to pay them for me, right?) I don't think it was the wrong choice, and I hope my kids will be proud of having a mother who pursued additional education, however there are consequences and this is one of them. It's great to know that other people deal with these same struggles-you are amazing for putting your wonderful husband through lots of school and raising four cute boys. I hope thinks become less in flux for all of us, but apparently this is the time in life for everything to be constantly adjusting and changing :)
I've been thinking of you and it is so good to get an update. Being a working mom is soo hard and I've got Frank who has stayed home with Cenzo some of the time to avoid all the commuting time. I hate having to let things go-like cleaning and cooking healthy meals, spending Saturday catching up instead of playing with my kiddo. I think I'm just slowly figuring out how be more efficient with some things but I've mostly quit caring about a lot of stuff. So glad you are trying something new because I know this has been a stressful 4 months! Here is to 2011!!!!!! It is going to be a good one-we are starting it off with good news-Frank just got a job offer and started this week. It's exactly what he wanted-I think it is finally worth the 18 months of unemployment. Hey I've got Corey in mind if I hear of anyone and am passing the info on to Frank too.
Hello my love, I thought I read a typo---11 hours??? WHAT THE... poor guys, that blows. I'm excited for Cory to stay home with Harrison, I think that your guys' lives will get so much calmer. *fingers crossed* I mean, how could it not, right?? You'll be saving so much on gas, childcare, gas, gas, food, gas, etc. I'll keep my eyes and ears out for anyone needing cory's services!! LOVE YOU! Hang in there!! I have to say Amber, I know that Harrison is getting what he needs from you guys, you are such great parents and you are an amazing mom!! He really is lucky. I'm excited for you and Heidi to get to be "friends" again too!! Now when you get together, it can be for more than just 5 seconds! I miss you and love you!! I'm excited to see how this new plan works out.
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